Fatherhood
Well, fatherhood is here. One month out. And the feeling is a strange concoction that’s not easy to explain at parties. Kate cannot take our annual road trip out west to Marathon, Alpine, and Big Bend. We miss the ocotillos and tumbleweeds. I miss standing side to side, looking out. Something about that scarred landscape brought us together. Now it’s beyond our reach. Kate’s body and energy are in service of this Little One. And it would seem I am losing a piece of her daily, but in the same breath, what am I gaining? My Own. A baby, child, boy, teen, young man, man, father, grandfather. A legacy whatever that truly means.
Kind-hearted people ask us if we are ready. I assume they mean materially, which we are. With the support team we’ve got, we cannot help but be over-equipped. Our nursery is “the cutest”. I’ve heard our pram described as the “Mercedes of the stroller world”. I drive a Subaru, but that’s beside the point. Suffice to say, we are outfitted, but beyond all this, how can I explain the tension I feel? I am more in love with Kate as I received less of her. What happens when the precious space we’ve built for each other has a hairless monkey toddling at its center. What then? Are Dads given standard-issue super powers upon delivery? Does time unfold wider than before, or deeper perhaps? Can love multiply without dividing?
Here’s to hoping. I’m ready to hope.